Posts Tagged ‘literature’

The ones left behind are the oldest ones — is and are, have and had — the plain, vague, and inexpressive ones. Too old and entrenched to leave I guess. I don’t know how long the others have been missing; somehow I took them for granted. I thought they were mine forever; I thought I owned them.

The first clue came in an interview. “You DID four books,” she said, “What does that mean?” Then I noticed it in my writing. When did it become like a low-level elementary school book? I perused old entries in my journals and old blogs; sure enough, the voice no longer sounded like the grown-up, well-read, well-educated me. It was official — my colorful verbs had run away. Did they all leave together because I stopped being mindful of them, playing with them, appreciating them?

What caused this catastrophe? On the one hand, I’d like to think there is a physical or medical reason behind their disappearance like too much alcohol, middle-age or (heaven forbid) early onset Alzheimer’s, then I wouldn’t have to feel so responsible. But I think it was just laziness and inattention; they left me for a younger, busier, more dynamic woman. I let myself get beaten down and distracted by depression, the economic conditions, and everyday life. It seems my mentally defeated survival mode sent them running for the hills.

But now that I know they are gone, I can ravage and rip apart my world for them. I can spit out the simple Internet stories and savor my literature books, maybe even devour the dictionary! I refuse to believe they are gone forever. They are just teaching me a tough lesson. It may take some time, but like Daniel Day-Lewis’ character in “Last of the Mohicans” — I WILL find them — and promise never to take them for granted again.

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: